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September 01

As I am sure all you lot have realised that my Ex is all about control.

Had her ring up, saying I need to come down hard on the eldest, he is back talking her, and the GF is spending too much time in the house, using her bubble bath, ligthing her candles and on and on. Went in to the eldests room to collect dirty washing and found her underware on the floor.

Wants her to spend less time at the house, wants me to sort it out.

Then she is on about why the youngest is backing away from her when she went for a kiss last night, and then he also made up a completly false story about how we had been stuck on a motion ride for an hour at the life centre (which we had not even gone on)

So I ring the eldest, he picks up the phone and sounds pissed off already, I say hang on I have not even had the chance to bollock you. But he goes I was expecting your call as Mum would have been on to you after the two of them have argued.

Anyway I said no lets you and me talk about it, like father and son, but also like two mature adults. And can we agree that we can now have conversations between you and me on this level and not feel the need to relay everything to your Mum. As that will only cause us both grief.

First I want to chat with you about your brother and sister, and why do you think your brother is playing up. He says but he is fine with me. That I do not doubt.

Was Mums "friend" Their last night I ask, yes but he has gone now. He goes but I thought you knew all about it.

I said I am not asking fgor inside information from you, but please keep an eye on them, as this I think will be hard for them, he says he will.

Now I say onto your behaviour, at this point his Mother comes in to the room and demands that he puts his phone on speaker.

So I explain, that we are worried that the two of them spend every available waking minute together, I explain that is important for both of them to have some time apart and to remember your other friends, Then I went on to explain, that what ever age he was that it was his Mothers House, therefore his mothers rules. And that she did not want GF sleeping over in the week now that schools was going back soon, and she needs to get the kids settled earlier and up in the morning and ready for school. She alos suggested that they alternate the weekends, one at her house and one at his.

Then she started on about how much influnce GF has, how she for years has not wanted him to sign up, and now GF says something he is suddenly looking at alternatives. And why os GF's mother buying him socks. He is her son, not theirs. At this point I interjected that she has to get used to the fact that he will start listening to other peoples other than just her, but she goes if I had brough him cheap socks like that he would have refused to have them, but because they are from her Mum. Again I had to say something, and say well then you should be proud of how weel we have brought him up, that I am sure he accepted the gift with enthusasim and was very greatful, despite what he might actually think.

But she goes he is my son and he should listen to me most.

Then she says you two are just getting at me and laughting about me, I said no such thing, and I said I am sure in a few years time you will remind me of this conversation when I am going ape shit about our daughters first boy friend. I said to her you have to realise he is growing up and moving on with life.

Anyway at this point she stopped out of his room

So I tried to explain to him, that to his Mum, he'll always, to some extent, be her little boy and that letting go is hard. Also we really wish that we could help you avoid all the pitfalls in life, but sadley that is not possible.

I say remember that we both love him and will be their to support him. But he goes why is she alwyas picking fault, why does she complain about all I do, why does she open my post?

I said I have told her that it is wrong that she does that, and if needs be he can have post directed to the flat, he says but it should not be like that. Why does she need to go in my room he asks? Well to collect washing, and you have to realise that the room is in her house.

SO it was quite and emotion conversation for us two. I can feel him being torn to some extent between GF and Mum. Not the way it should be.

I say I am sorry, that we have split, as I know it is not easy for any of you. But remember that does not mean that we do not love you. Also your Mum is still dealing with lots of issues her self, with her new friends, looking at business opportunities and her Uni course, while having to look after you lot as well. Do not ever think that the path your Mum has chosen is an easy one.

And finally I asked him to really keep an eye on his Brother and Sister for me, and if he feels it is appropirate to let me know if they are struggling with things.

Hope I handled all of this OK.

5:48 PM | Blog it | General

Comments (29)

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	Anjay Angelwrote: Your kids would never allow that.. They are not silly and they will find a way.. don t think like that Mark to add to the rest of what you are putting up with... Please dont pain yourself anymore. She wouldn't be that silly as she knows you cut them off from you, then her lifeline is well cut off.. Sept. 2
	Lost in Francewrote: Thanks. Though the way things are headed at the moment she'll stop that if she can Sept. 2
	Anjay Angelwrote: :-0 I don t know what perception you have of your wife, but I think you are a bit deluded to what her protection is Mark, I can assure you I have never at any given time sacrafised my childrens happiness for my own. I could go on here, but I wont... I have seen all this before to now see a mothers son hate her.. I just hope that this does not happen in your case.. but you know what they say.. You reap what you sow... At least they have you there... Sept. 2
	Stuartwrote: Protect him from pain? By abusing him verbally? And treating him like an idiot? Sorry, how is that protecting? Sept. 2
	Lost in Francewrote: I do have more faith in him than she does. He does not want to become a Dad at his age (No insult or slight intended). She wants to protect him from pain, which is a noble sentiment, but I say ultimate he has to learn some things himself. And as parents we need to be there to catch but no longer to lead, well not all of the time. Anjay, your sons do you credit and you are justifiably proud of them, as I am sure they are of you, when they sit and think about what you have done for them and the fact that you are now heading to Uni. Sept. 2
	Anjay Angelwrote: Mark my sons are 19 & 20 and both have to respect each other as well as me!!!!, the difference being my house is an open house policy where everyone is entitled to talk their own mind wtihout being shot down and disregarded, even if we don t like what we hear.. we all listen!!.. SAFE SEX!! I don t know whether to take offence to that... I was a young mum and do you think for one instance I have not done this.. Bearing in mind its a mother to son talk here.. and I think I do much better than some me with their sons.. (i mean in general)...Of course I am comfortable with this.. Life is not all about SEX Mark, at least not in my household... We may have different views on this, however my sons are very much gentlemen to their women, one of which near a year into the relationship, the other a new girlfriend after being dumped by a young lady who he would have gave his right arm too....Just because I am a single mum does not mean its a have anyone living in my house policy I am more cautious than anyone.. being pregnant at 16 due my my lack of nurturing as a child myself... I think the fact I am not a grandmother yet, proves that Yes I am comfortable and we talk openly about what we call "raincoats".. We have a laugh about it keep it light hearted but all known that it is a very serious issue.. Yes you have the youngest ones to think of as well.. but surely you should give your son a chance to prove he can be trusted and will have thought for others without everyone making a dramatically huge deal about it, however i think the problem again still lies with your ex as its all truly about her moods!!! I could be wrong, but this is not a general thing this is an overall reply to what I have read from start to now.. I will always be lurking in the background..... Love and Light J Sept. 2
	Lost in Francewrote: Anjay, you were in fact the first to comment. And I know your frustrations at my in ability to move on. And I revel at your patcience at persiting to help prod and guide. The eldest, 18 now, has to remember that in the house he has a younger brother and sister (8 & 11) so not only needs to reespect his mothers rules but be considerate to their needs. I have seen this empathy of his grow enourmously over recent months. In fact coincidental with the presence of his Girl Friend. As a mother, are you comfortable with the though of your sons girl friends sleeping over? We have done the safe sex discussion to death. Also I have provided him with a set of keys for my flat and he / they are free to use it when I am in France, and in fact they would be welcome when I am there, just there is a bit of a bed shortage at the moment. I think, and really do this time, believe that these last few weeks may be a major watershed for me. And a point from where I may be able to chart an up turn in my life. Not without the odd stumble. Thaks for sticking with me. Sept. 2
	Anjay Angelwrote: Well Mark heres my bit.... However I have forgotten what age your son is... But I think your wife is just an all round controller.. However this is for whatever reasons she can only justify herself... As a single parent of two grown boys.. I allowed them from a very young age approximately 15 years to have their own privacy, not to open their mail.. wouldn t do that anyway.. used to be so nice to see them excited when mail came in their name... more a joy than anything really!! At what time does a mother let go.. A mother never lets go.. However a mother has to ease off.. Has to allow her child independence, the room to breathe, to make mistakes to open their mouthes when they feel the must as long as it is not in a manner where they are being all out disrespectful... Just because we are their mothers does not mean we have the last rights on them to whom they listen to, to whom they talk to.. my god this is just ridiculous. And as for it being her house her rules.. yeah i agree to an extent.. so when does he get choices????? When does he get allowed to make the mistakes which may have to be rectified to then learn why they were initial mistakes.. My house is the house where my boys have grown up.. It is THEIR HOME.. Maybe just me and because I have two absolutely brilliant boys, not without faults but because I have allowed certain things to be opened up to them.. slowly but surely.. Its called ROOM TO BREATHE..!!! TIME TO GROWN.. You do what you have to do for your kids Mark, your blog shall be an eternity of heart aches unless you yourself get YOUR OWN LIFE.. Thats is all I have to say today, I know you very well and was one of the first to start to reply to you and frankly it has just got from bad to worse and you still remain in the same place ..... I leave you Love and Light my friend.. Sept. 1
	Cheryllwrote: I can't keep up. Y'all are confusing. Sept. 1
	Gill.wrote: Of course there are some people who have afternoon teas around 4pm and then dinner later. Depends how posh you are really lol!! Sept. 1
	Gill.wrote: Hmmmmm I love jam and bread Sept. 1
	Gill.wrote: Jam and bread is a snack cheryll :) In the north of england where I am from and Mark now lives you have breakfast, dinner and tea. Then sometimes late at night they will have supper. In the south of england where I live now we have breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sept. 1
	Amy .wrote: He is probably having it right now. Sept. 1
	Cheryllwrote: ::singing quietly to myself:: doe, a deer, a female deer . . . ray, a drop of golden sun. . . . me, a name I call myself. . . fa, a long, long way to run . . . so, a needle pulling thread . . . la, a note to follow so, TEA, A DRINK WITH JAM AND BREAD. When do you have jam and bread??? Sept. 1
	Cheryllwrote: You have tea, then supper, THEN dinner?? Holy Moly. Sept. 1
	Amy .wrote: Well I am about to go to 'school dinner'. Sept. 1
	Amy .wrote: ::holding head:: I am confused. Full stop. Why dont you just have Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, supper. Full stop. Whats with all these in beween meals? Sept. 1
	Lost in Francewrote: Tea is a drink or a meal at about 4 or 5 o'oclock in the afternoon. Generally lighter than a dinner. Supper of course is much later being just before bedtime. Dinner is generally an evening meal, and being a more substansial main meal of the day, except of course school dinners which are in fact at lunch time. Think I cleared that one up. Period Sept. 1
	Amy .wrote: ::whispering:: Got it! Thanks. What about this "tea"? What does that mean? I thought it was a drink. But they seem to use it as it is supper or dinner or maybe even lunch. I am just stumped, full stop. Sept. 1
	Lost in Francewrote: Sorry do I need to provide a translation service? Sept. 1

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