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    October 19

    the animosity grows

    the tension is rising between eldests GF and the Ex. she claims I am being hypocritcal in my stance, and we as parents need to have a unified front.
     
    The main issues are these:
     
    the eldest and GF have all but moved in to the apartment.
    The Ex feels this is wrong as the GF is only 17.
    She rightly points out that I would not let my daughter do the same
    Therefore she concludes that I  should stop them.
    She also believes that it upsets the daughter, as she would like to see the flat as our space, though when I have asked what I though were casula questions I did not pick up the same.
    The Ex says she insisted that they did not spend every night at hers , for their own good. But now this has been scuppered as they have moved in to the flat.
    I must admit that I have had no problem with them in the flat, they do not try to dictate anything when we are there at the weekend. Like TV or anything. In fact they spend a lot of time in their room, and we do not see them.
    At the weekend they both joined in with monopoly and watch the X Factor.
    To me their presence makes the flat more family orientated. Which for me is a delight.
     
    So this is my dilema.
     
    Am I using them to provide a sort of family atmosphere in the flat, and am not looking after the eldests best interest.
     
    Yes they are young, the likelyhood of this being the one true love is remote.
     
    Should I be insisting that she does n ot spend every night at the flat. And risk alienating the eldest ? Am I a hypoript as I would not condone my daughter being in a similar set up.
     
    The Ex also claims it looks bad that I have a 17 year old girl at the flat, and it is just not right.
     
    Am I getting caught up in a mother gf rivallery?
     
    Is the Ex annoyed because it might seem that her move has backfired?
     
    wish I could work it all out
    3:58 PM | Blog it | General

    Comments (8)

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    Lost in Francewrote:
    the ex seems to imply that the daughter has an issue with it. but when i raised the subject, she did not seem concerned
    Oct. 20
    Jacquiwrote:
    I think your behaving in a reasonable and responsible manner. She is not your daughter and if there is an issue of her staying in the flat her own parents would raise it as an issue surely? As for your daughter could you not ask her how she feels. You have a good relationship she would have mentioned if it was a problem. Your flat, your rules. If your son & GF have opted to stay there thats surely there choice? I hope it all works out.
    jacq
    Oct. 20
    ☆ Just an ordinary Girl ☆wrote:
    As someone who married myself at 17 I think that if you condoned it, they would move somewhere else anyway, my mam and dad could see me and Allan were going to be together anyway!.....we're all very headstrong at that age. Of course on the other hand they are very young to be living together so I can understand your ex too. It makes sense to have someone in the flat when you're not there. I wish I had strong opinions on such things but I tend to see both sides and go with the flow. Hope it all works out.
    Oct. 20
    Sharon Wilsonwrote:
    I agree with your first comment, but not only that, at least at the flat you know where they are!
    Oct. 20
    Lost in Francewrote:
    basically am I a bad person as I let them stay together at the flat. When if the rolls were reveresed and the daughter, at 17, wanted to basicall move into her bfs fathers flat, I would do all in my power to stop it.
    Oct. 20
    Hope Tanwrote:
    In Chinese, we prefer our kids stay a certain distance before they get married. It may be a good thing or a bad thing. Anyway, they are gradually getting mature and learn what they really feel and need in life. For parents we can only give them some advice and suggestions. If we think it is wrong, we can tell them what we are thinking and why it is wrong. I think our kids can accept it. If we try to force them, enforce them to accept it, they will rebel and maybe do something they are not willing to do just want to show that they don't want to obey.
    Oct. 20
    Lost in Francewrote:
    her point is that the GF is only 17. I say that I feel that is her mothers dilema, rather than ours. The Ex's argument is that I should not give them the flat as a safe haven. Then we will force the issue into the light.

    I say, give them there space and support, and let it run its course. I warn her that if he feels that she is in anyway instrumental in the relationships failure, assuming it does. Then it may take him a very long time to forgive her.
    Oct. 19
    Sharon Wilsonwrote:
    What age is the eldest? 18 wasn't it? You cannot dictate to an 18 year old (a young adult....) how much he sees of anyone, you can only advise or give a POV, tell your ex to back off.
    Oct. 19

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